So! Quick roundup:

• I had a clot in my left brain—the language center—that led to a cerebrovascular accident (stroke).
• For about 36 hours, I could not speak or write. I could get some words out, but no sentences.
• After MRIs of my carotids, brain, and blood vessels, and a transesophageal echocardiogram, my neurologist informed me that there are no problems, and it appears to have been a random occurrence, possibly exacerbated by prescription medication.
• Therefore, I am fine, and will simply continue taking aspirin for the rest of my life. Yay!

Look! I have a brain!

When I joked with the neurologist that I was relieved I recovered my speech ability fairly quickly and throughly, since I am employed as an EDITOR, he speculated that it’s possible that because so much of my time has been spent proofreading, reading, editing, and (ahem) looking for bad grammar in public, the language center of my brain has developed further than it might otherwise have.

After the stroke, my brain would have found it easier to find new pathways around the dead section. So this blog, like, SAVED MY BRAIN!

Ok maybe not.

Thanks to all of you for your kind thoughts, by the way…that really meant a lot to me.

The good news is that I have a backlog of submissions, so I will have excellent stuff to get started posting!

Stuff White People Like has me pegged! This is why I wish my grandmother had been 100% Sioux instead of like, 50%. That would have worked out well for me.

Though they reserve the harshest judgment for professional, do not assume that white people will cast a blind eye to your grammar mistakes in email and official documents. They will judge you and make a general assessment about your intelligence after the first infraction. Fortunately, this situation can be improved if you ask a white person to proof read your work before you send it out. “Hey Jill, I’m sorry to do this, but I have a business degree and I’m a terrible writer. Can you look this over for me?” This deft maneuver will allow the white person to feel as though their liberal arts degree has a purpose and allow you to do something more interesting.

And…

Don’t worry, it is impossible for a white person to turn down the opportunity to proofread.

Aw that stings!

Well, it seems that my bitchy karma has come back to bite me in the ass. I had a stroke/TIA on Friday, which compromised the writing/speaking (SPELLING omg) portion of my brain. And yes, I’m only 28.

So anyway. I know I’ve been neglecting this site, and I want to get back into updating it, but it will definitely not be for a couple of days, at least.

I will still be looking for heinous examples of grammar and spelling in the hospital, though…treasure trove!

Beth

Thanks a lot, CBS.

Submitted by Jake, who finally figured out how to use the TIVO to do this! Yay!

And by “sometimes” I mean “WAY TOO MUCH omg.”

Another disturbing entry. This one is from William, who says

A very shameful sign from the University of Pittsburgh. Found in the parking lot behind the Sennot Square Building.

Shameful is certainly the right word. It makes me avert my eyes in mortification.

I think it just makes it sadder that they got “owner’s” right.